A Personal Story of Impact & Loss

On September 18, 2020, 4 years ago, as a few of my LinkedIn connections know, a close colleague and friend of mine disappeared. One day we were WhatsApp-ing back and forth, sending pictures, funny responses, greetings. And the next day it stopped. I didn’t know he was missing yet though. We had gone days without interacting in the past – even months. I hadn’t been working in the same company for almost 5 years – but we never lost touch. Even though he lived in Germany, we both traveled a lot but always found the time to connect – more than once as we were in passing in an airport we would have a lunch, a dinner or a breakfast!

He was one of a kind – and definitely fit my idea of a “German guy” when I first met him. He was pretty organized, mostly stoic, not rigid, but you’d never say he was malleable. We were complete opposites in most things. I was grey – he was more black and white. I was loud, passionate, he was quiet and more reserved. But we really got each other.

In our roles as Quality professionals, we were often times driving change/improvements and questioning things. Which could put you a little bit in the cross hairs – or center stage – depending on who was across the table. He didn’t love that – but he did it. He believed in my vision and helped to further define it and set goals for our team – and he jumped in with vigor – against his natural inclination to do so.

He was a solitary person, and very private. I didn’t really know that until a few months into our relationship because from the very beginning, he would pick me up from the airport on Sunday afternoon and drive me around, take me for dinner, make me hike – all to help me battle jet lag. He always insisted! At first he did it because I was his boss – and he was nothing if not respectful to a hierarchy. But that changed – and we truly became friends.

I know this because he began sending me pictures he’d taken while on vacation, sharing his future dreams for his life, telling me about how frustrated he was in Quality – which seems like a fairly normal work relationship – but not for him. I was able to help him move to a better suited position right before I left the company – and he never forgot that.

He thanked me almost every time we saw each other in the following 5 years. He loved his life. He was traveling on assignment for that new job when he disappeared. Just like that. He was out doing what he loved – taking photos in nature. And then – gone. Still not found. With everything we know from the investigation, we assume he fell into the water – the surf was violent that day. His body has never been recovered.

It continues to be hard over the years. I couldn’t explain the loss that I felt to my family. They knew him of course – he celebrated holidays and birthdays with us. They all thought he was quirky and very nice (he was), he gifted the best chocolate – but to them he was one of my work colleagues. My husband understands it better – he knows how I feel about many of my work “peeps” as I call them. Work has been a large part of my life – the travel, the time away. Those peeps become a second family.

Here’s the thing…I KNOW he knew how much I appreciated him. I told him. I think all my peeps know. Like I said – I am a pretty passionate person – direct too. It’s maybe not the corporate way – but it is my way. And still, and I remember, in my grief, I am so grateful he knew how special he was to me. So TODAY – tell your peeps (work, family, friends) how much you care and appreciate them for who they are in your life. To all my peeps – thanks for being such an important part of my life. And to Matthias – I still think about you every time I see a bright blue BMW.